God Owns the Cattle

It was Herb’s dream to raise cattle, and he was in process of slowly (very slowly!) increasing his herd. In fact, one cute little bull calf was born the day after Herb’s funeral. I loved having them on the property, but Herb did all of the work with them. Unless you count helping to chase them back into the pasture every time they got out, which was pretty often! But what else are you going to do for fun?

The old barn was in bad shape, so Herb had torn it down. He was planning to rebuild on a higher, dryer spot last summer. The tractor we had been borrowing from Uncle Roy for twenty plus years was so old, they didn’t make parts for it anymore, so Herb was planning to buy a newer one. But all the plans went unfulfilled when he left us last April.

Everyone kept asking me what I was going to do with the cattle. I would always say, “I don’t have to decide until winter. They can just graze until then.” That would have been somewhat true most years, but that summer had record-breaking heat and drought, and the cattle had to be fed and watered every day. No problem. I just knew there wouldn’t be enough hay to winter them, and no tractor to move it, but they could stay through the summer.

The cows and I were getting pretty close. Some of them would let the grandkids and I pet them. Subconsciously, I thought if I could keep kicking the can down the road, I wouldn’t have to admit something had happened here. I could just keep doing everything like usual and sort of imagine Herb was just at work every day. But if I had to sell the cows, that would mean he was really gone. And I wasn’t ready for that.

Back in the spring, I had arranged with a preacher-friend to load up the cattle for me and take them to the sale sometime before winter. Finally in November, he said he would be coming in the morning to haul them off. I cried like a baby all that day and the next! I cried as I petted them goodbye and watched them leave. It was crazy how upset I was! I honestly couldn’t understand why it hit me so hard, when I knew from the beginning I would be selling them. Maybe keeping the cattle was one way of keeping Herb’s dream alive. This “death of a vision” represented the fact that everything in my life had to change. Everything.

The day after the cattle were hauled away, I was still very upset about it, questioning if I had made the right decision, mourning yet another loss in my life. Finally, I dumped my frustration on God. “I get it that the deaths in my family can be redeemed and used to point people to Jesus. But the cows?!?! How can losing the cows be used for God?!?! For anything?!?!”

In the middle of my rant, I heard the Holy Spirit say very clearly, “Job lost all his animals, too.”

Hit pause.

Yes, he did - Job lost all of his sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys. I had always thought that Job’s animals were just a commodity; an impersonal measure of his wealth. I never thought that he might have been attached to them or that he might have grieved the loss on a personal level. This reference to Job also made me realize: there is, possibly, a bigger plan in place here.

Job lost all of his children, his wealth, his health, and his animals, and he never, in his earthly lifetime, understood why. He didn’t know about the conversation between God and Satan that had started his miseries. He just knew at the end of the day that God’s purposes cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2).

I know it sounds crazy, but it brought me a measure of peace to think I was in the same camp as Job; that I’m not just going through random torment; that there is a plan and a purpose, even if I may never understand it.

I was later reminded that Job’s friends blamed him for bringing on all of his own troubles! They assumed he must surely have some sins to confess, or these calamities wouldn't have come upon him! It’s apparently par for the course, to add insult to injury, as I have experienced, myself.

BUT! At the end of the book, Job was given back double of everything he had lost. “The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning (Job 42:12a NKJV).”

I feel like I am running the gauntlet to make it to the end of the book! The struggle is real, but it is easier when I realize there’s a bigger picture! I don’t know how God will work this for good, but He says He will (Rom 8:28), and that is the hope that keeps me going.

And speaking of cattle, God reminded me that He owns all the cattle on a thousand hills (Ps. 50:10)! If I ever need a cow, God has plenty, and He is happy to share! And I won’t have to chase them back into the pasture!

"God certainly does everything at just the right time. But we can never completely understand what he is doing.” Ecc 3:11b ICB