Healing Journey ~ Holes in My Heart

I was looking for some colored paper to write a Bible verse on, and went to where I had seen a stash of odd sized pieces of construction paper. (I had been trying to "minimize" for a couple of months, and wasn't making very fast progress! I could always find a reason to keep my clutter!). When I pulled out the papers, I felt a wave of sadness sweep over me.

I have learned to ask myself, "Why is this making me sad?" Instantly, I remembered that Timothy would use a hole punch to entertain himself while I homeschooled the older kids. He was 2 or 3 years old at the time. Herb would even give him assignments: "I want you to make 10 holes on one side of the paper and 3 holes on the other side for school today." lol And Timothy would take his assignment so seriously.

I ugly cried for a solid hour (all day meltdown?) after I found the hole-punched papers. I miss him so badly! And since Herb is gone now, too, I felt like I had no one to share my heart with. 😭So there I was, posting online, sharing with the world!

I knew my next step would be to pray, "Lord, it makes me sad to see the holes in these papers, and to remember how much I miss that era of life, and that sweet little boy that I love so dearly; but it is too heavy for me to carry - so I give the sadness to You, Lord, and ask You to carry it for me (Isaiah 53:4), and to replace it with Your peace."

Then I always ask the Lord for a comforting thought or picture, or whatever He wants to tell me while I sit quietly at His feet for a minute or two. Sometimes I will grab my Bible to find a verse that speaks to me. God (through the Holy Spirit) has ministered to me with many profound insights when I pray this prayer, but tonight, the thought I hear in my spirit is, "He's OK." I picture him being in the presence and in the arms of Jesus, completely happy, and I agree, "He's OK."

Of course, he is. ❤️

"He shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom..." Isa 40:11